The big bore

One of my coworkers hosted a Halloween party on Saturday, and while my RSVP status was in limbo, I decided that I wasn't dead and just put on the costume I already had and went.

The party was nice.

Sunday morning my arm was absolutely throbbing when I woke up. You see, if I sit there doing nothing, my arm feels fine. When it feels fine, I think I can do things. When I do things, it stops feeling fine, but the feeling gets worse the longer I was doing things. It's a delayed response. I more or less held my arm in reserve, not using it for much of anything, but apparently just holding it up so it didn't dangle uselessly was bad enough. Sunday afternoon, it felt better. So I tried baking.

All I did was fill the bread maker and hit the button.

Woke up Monday morning with an equally proportionate amount of pain. So on Monday, I didn't do a single stupid thing. I stared at YouTube and Netflix while I lay there eating and hating it.

This morning, I didn't feel any pain in my arm at all. I took it as a sign and decided to do nothing. 

The big ow

Rough time. 

So Monday morning my wife drove me into my doctors office (I was able to score an appointment). I can't use my right arm for much of anything, and that blow to my head was stronger than I realized. They gave me a one over and did some x-rays. 

Right arm was the easiest. Just superficial damage. My left arm - sprained wrist, and a radial head fracture at the elbow. There's no splint, cast or anything they can really do for it. I just have to not use my arm. Meanwhile the bruising on the rest of my body is deep and intense. Just below the belt is a massive welt from the handlebar. That's going to take weeks to clear up.

I do have a mild concussion. Having a hard time remembering the event, and somewhat easily confused. Doc said that should resolve itself shortly. Meanwhile the orthopedic doctor basically said I was out of work for 3-4 weeks, possibly 6 depending on how quickly I heal.

Normally I could take time off work to catch up on things... if things didn't require my right arm. Which they always do. Time to lay around feeling useless.

How's that for timing

All summer, instead of going to the gym on Saturday mornings, I've been riding by bike around the lake. It's close enough where I can take a quick trip through the neighborhood and turn into the park, then enjoy a ride by the water.

This morning was booked, but it was nice enough this afternoon. The first part of the trip, through the neighborhood, was down a long stretch of hill before going up just as high, then coasting around to the park. I had just picked up speed when I noticed something.

The right handlebar was no longer attached to the frame. The grip had slipped right off. 

At that point, my left arm didn't have a counterweight, and the front wheel decided to turn very abruptly. It's kind of a blur from there, but apparently I had the presence of mind to drag myself, bike and all, off the road into the nearby grass. The immediate aftermath hurt - a lot. I laid there for a moment trying to compose myself. But there was a measure of fortune right behind me.

My wife had just left the house, same time as I did. She was right behind me, saw the whole thing. Texted our oldest to get out of the house and help me.

A few cars behind that, a pickup truck full of medics from a nearby firehouse. My wife gathered my things while three guys looked me over. I was going pretty fast and dragged that bike downhill for a good distance. Once I composed myself, I was standing and *trying* to be myself. Too much of myself hurt. 

My hands and forearms took the brunt of it. My gloves are completely torn apart - I'm hanging them on the wall and buying another pair exactly like them. My helmet sticks out a bit, which I always thought was weird, but realized soon after that it's the only thing that kept my face from getting ground into the pavement. My cheek has a scrape on it - the helmet lost a wide chunk of plastic. That could have been my face.

Wear your helmet.

The handlebars, once the bike nearly flipped over, dug into my waist. There's a massive bloody bruise right *above* where I don't want it. That could have been worse. That could have been so much worse. 

So yea, regular maintenance is your friend. Don't ignore steering problems. There's a metaphor in there somewhere but I'm still on that adrenaline high so figure it out for yourself. Surround yourself with good people. If I had gone first thing in the morning like I normally do, I would have been on the ground for awhile before I dragged myself back home on my own. I had a hard enough time with my son taking the bike.

Excuse me, I need a nap.

Backyard fire

When we moved into our house, my wife wanted to have fires in the back yard. But she's a bureaucrat, so the first thing she did, instead of setting up a fire pit, was check local laws to see if she could.

This is where we differ. If I want to do something, I don't check to see if I have permission to do it. I just do it. Sure, sometimes it's obvious that what I want is illegal, so I just don't do those things. But of course, the myriad of stupid, obtuse, and sometimes unenforceable laws encumbering the residents of New York state mean I just don't bother.

A few years ago I heard that the town council was pushing to remove that ban. (Apparently some of the council members retired and their younger replacements didn't share their feelings). My wife wasn't aware of the changes, and the time between when I told her and when a fire pit appeared in my back yard was equal to the amount of time her bureaucratic nature took to confirm. Plus a trip to the store for parts.

Anyway, it was a cool weekend and she decided to burn things again. Someone tell me why the mosquitos still come out in October? They were supposed to die by now.

Dream disappointment

I had this weird dream the other night. I was sick, and getting sicker. So I went to the doctor, and he poked and prodded at me, taking blood and whatnot. Soon the results came back, and there were more questions. Then the police showed up and they had their own questions.

Soon enough, I went home, only to find the police there asking my wife questions. Quickly enough, she was arrested for attempted murder. Turns out my ailment was, in fact, poisoning, and she had tried to off me.

Tried. Tried and failed. Just before my dream ended and I woke up, I remember feeling not afraid, not sad, but disappointed. How could she screw up such a simple task?

Of course, when I told her about this dream, she was confident that not only could she succeed, but that it would look innocent.

Sneaky dirt

Sure, lawn work is never clean, but I didn't expect this. I wear long pants and tall socks - the last thing I enjoy is having my legs (even my ankles, no short socks here) getting pelted by flying grass and whatnot. I come out of it with grass, dirt, and sweat all over. My feet, however, are normally just very sweaty.

My feet were dirty. Like, with dirt. Dirt dirt. Alright, I get it. I also tore out my garden, but this dirt didn't just make its way down into my shoe, it was on a pilgrimage to reach my toes. I only wonder how much it cost them.

I can't see

I got my glasses in my early 20's. I only need them for distance, so I only wear them when I'm driving. Going without is not an impediment in my daily life, and even when I lost them on a road trip all it did was prevent me from night driving. 

Also, I had to wear some bright pink novelty sunglasses, because that's the only spare we had.

Imagine this morning, I looked over and saw what I thought was the strangest hairstyle you could ever cook up. Imagine someone was balding, but not only grew out what they had on the sides, but teased it outward so far it was twice the width of their head.

As soon as he got closer I realized they were just headphones. 🤷