Football?

They call it football, but it's played by hand. It's not shaped like a ball, either. It's shaped like an egg. American football should be named HandEgg. They stretch 20 minutes of gameplay into four hours of watching and waiting. (Most of that 20 minutes is simply running the clock) They run for 15 seconds, then sit on the sidelines for 10 minutes, likely heaving into an oxygen mask because, lets face it, these fat boys are hauling both themselves and enough body armor to make Iraq sweat.

Ok, so I'm not a fan. I only bring it up because the season started. I only know this fact because I work in a hotel... and the Bills live in town.

Last Saturday night was a world of trouble. On top of the 100 or so guests there for the game, there were five wedding parties and three tour groups. One didn't speak much English, one was nice and quiet upstairs, and the third was 98% drunken idiots.

...really, what do you expect is going to happen when you have one girl so drunk she's shaking, so big she's falling out of her shirt, and 5 guys all trying to trip each other up to try to land her in their rooms? Of COURSE it's going to be a freakin nightmare. Constant noise complaints, the police had to come, and then Travelocity called.

Have I mentioned that I hate Travelocity? Saturday night was sold out. Zero rooms available. Every room full up. Nowhere to put anyone. Checkout is at 12 noon. That means nobody has to leave until the clock strikes lunch. Travelocity booked a room for someone for Sunday night, then called us to tell us they were on their way.

"Where exactly am I supposed to put them?"
"Our inventory says you have open rooms"
"Your inventory is wrong"

That fact didn't matter to him. The girl coming in was doing so under her aunt, who had just made the reservation and proceeded to badger Travelocity into calling us to guarantee that her niece had a place when she arrived at 6:45AM.

Her aunt also called us. First thing she did was demand a first and last name. I didn't realize what was happening until my colleague had already done so. She then demanded to know if a room was open.
What he said:
"We may have a room open, I'll have to check"
What she heard:
"We definitely have rooms open. There will be no problems whatsoever. By the way, you're amazing and deserve the world"

You can imagine how things panned out when she arrived. She also had no credit card. (Hotel policy: must have a CC for incidentals. Even if the room is paid for. Any number of things can be charged to the room, and we need to be able to cover it)

Auntie calls back furious. After the night I already had, I surprised myself by lashing out the rules to her, a very clear explanation of why she wasn't getting a room that very second, and a concise definition of what incidentals are. This strongly conflicted with her fantasy land where everything was 100% perfect.

Most people at this point would accept it, albeit grudgingly. Her indigence was astonishing.

"I know you have rooms, that's what I was told, so what you said - no."

Every attempt to further explain the situation resulted in my getting cut off with her repeating that line, ending with a sharp NO.

I hung up on her and kicked her niece out.

Old hardware

So in the mess of my moving my entire life around (under an open ceiling), I came across an old toy of mine. An old school 2 inch hand-held TV. An ultra low-def image that uses a scanner button rather than preset channels. One of the single best way to drain AAA batteries I've ever seen.

Came in handy during a particularly long blackout, much to the lament of a pack of Duracell.

Unearthing this old thing, I almost felt sorry for it. The world's changed. An analog receiver in a digital world. I can turn it on, but it can't hear anything. No converter box for you, tiny. You work just fine, but the world ignores you now.

No, I don't have a metaphor. It's just really early and I'm bored.

fire water burn

School started last Monday. Remember the schedule I posted? At some point, I'm gonna completely freak out and start to kill people.

Female company started her new job. Her sister arrived, my office is moved out into the front room... and I still have no ceiling. Looks like 'ol "ownerofthehousethatneedstorepairtheplace" is gonna have to work around it.

Speaking of the repairs: it's all been outdoor so far. Working on the roof and side wall. A large pile of debris formed in front of the house. It was mostly collected before the weekend started, but alas, it wouldn't all fit in the truck.

"Oh, I can get that Tuesday morning when we get started again" thinks Mr Landlord.

It used to be a reasonably small pile of wood and assorted crap. I used to be almost asleep in the back of the house. It wasn't her voice that got me, it was the sound of her rushing through the house that first got my attention. It was in that subtle, yet alarming state of mind that says "something's not right" that arouses the senses while the rest of my body fights it off. Of course, her bursting through the door was the cavalry that aided my brain in overcoming my poor self and brought me to a disgruntled state of mostly-aware.

"THEWOODINFRONTOFTHEHOUSEISONFIRE"

"...what wood?"

As I stood in front of the house, I saw the pile of wood engulfed in flame. Some blamed a tossed cigarette butt, others blamed a bored opportunist. It reeked of smoke more-so than foul play. Either way, it was universally agreed that such things could be avoided by not having piles of wood laying about next to the sidewalk.

(On a side note: this is why I love rain in the summer and the winter cold. It keeps such bored opportunists indoors and away from me)

"No way am I using my fire extinguisher for this"

It was far enough away from the house to not be a worry, but still... A bucket brigade was my only option, until a much welcomed neighbor brought a garden hose. Someone called the fire department (not I, nor did I request it). A fire truck arrived in time to watch a pajama clad barefoot night auditor hosing off a pile of ash and smoke. In a moment of levity odd for such a moment, I turned to my sister in law and with a big grin, said:

"Welcome to Buffalo!"