Football?

They call it football, but it's played by hand. It's not shaped like a ball, either. It's shaped like an egg. American football should be named HandEgg. They stretch 20 minutes of gameplay into four hours of watching and waiting. (Most of that 20 minutes is simply running the clock) They run for 15 seconds, then sit on the sidelines for 10 minutes, likely heaving into an oxygen mask because, lets face it, these fat boys are hauling both themselves and enough body armor to make Iraq sweat.

Ok, so I'm not a fan. I only bring it up because the season started. I only know this fact because I work in a hotel... and the Bills live in town.

Last Saturday night was a world of trouble. On top of the 100 or so guests there for the game, there were five wedding parties and three tour groups. One didn't speak much English, one was nice and quiet upstairs, and the third was 98% drunken idiots.

...really, what do you expect is going to happen when you have one girl so drunk she's shaking, so big she's falling out of her shirt, and 5 guys all trying to trip each other up to try to land her in their rooms? Of COURSE it's going to be a freakin nightmare. Constant noise complaints, the police had to come, and then Travelocity called.

Have I mentioned that I hate Travelocity? Saturday night was sold out. Zero rooms available. Every room full up. Nowhere to put anyone. Checkout is at 12 noon. That means nobody has to leave until the clock strikes lunch. Travelocity booked a room for someone for Sunday night, then called us to tell us they were on their way.

"Where exactly am I supposed to put them?"
"Our inventory says you have open rooms"
"Your inventory is wrong"

That fact didn't matter to him. The girl coming in was doing so under her aunt, who had just made the reservation and proceeded to badger Travelocity into calling us to guarantee that her niece had a place when she arrived at 6:45AM.

Her aunt also called us. First thing she did was demand a first and last name. I didn't realize what was happening until my colleague had already done so. She then demanded to know if a room was open.
What he said:
"We may have a room open, I'll have to check"
What she heard:
"We definitely have rooms open. There will be no problems whatsoever. By the way, you're amazing and deserve the world"

You can imagine how things panned out when she arrived. She also had no credit card. (Hotel policy: must have a CC for incidentals. Even if the room is paid for. Any number of things can be charged to the room, and we need to be able to cover it)

Auntie calls back furious. After the night I already had, I surprised myself by lashing out the rules to her, a very clear explanation of why she wasn't getting a room that very second, and a concise definition of what incidentals are. This strongly conflicted with her fantasy land where everything was 100% perfect.

Most people at this point would accept it, albeit grudgingly. Her indigence was astonishing.

"I know you have rooms, that's what I was told, so what you said - no."

Every attempt to further explain the situation resulted in my getting cut off with her repeating that line, ending with a sharp NO.

I hung up on her and kicked her niece out.