My Wife

If you didn't already know, I'm married. Now that the one person that wasn't aware, is, here goes.

My wife is awesome. Imagine this: you sit down for breakfast and you see Cheerios. You think, "ok, cool, good for you and all that". But then you have a bite and "OMG, Banana Cheerios?! I totally didn't see that coming!"

That's what being married to Becka is like.

Soda gnomes

The vending machines on campus are interesting things. I never buy snacks from them, they always taste like crap. I drink most of my calories, and I enjoy every drop. The two types of machines, though, are equally distasteful.

The open kind, the one where you can see the bottles, and see the mechanism that delivers your overpriced concoction. I frequently see them with bottles jammed at various stages of delivery. Then there's the closed kind with giant buttons on them.

When employing an open machine, I can see the mechanism at work, which induces a moment of terror as I can see every step and know just how it might jam, failing to deliver on its promise of a tasty drink.

When I hit the button on a closed machine, the gnome working inside takes a second to shake the bottle violently before dropping it. Sometimes it grabs the wrong bottle, but I can't throttle it because of the armor those machines are made of.

All the shops on campus charge more than the machines. Maybe I should just drink water.

Deeper in my head, or, adventures in the hippocampus.

...at least I think it's the hippocampus. It wasn't labeled. I've had a lot of strange dreams throughout my life, the peculiarities of which are both a blessing and a curse. But that's a story for another day.

I keep dreaming that I'm either building a massive robot, or that I've already built it and it LOVES TO DANCE.

I'm still convinced that magnets will save the world. The gestalt is still rather nebulous, but it makes sense to me. It's a bit of a wave function in my head, ask me to explain it and it'll collapse. (so far)

In my dreams, I'm someone else... but I'm not. It's hard to explain. My brain eats Loschmidt's paradox for lunch.

Excuse me, the Rietdijk–Putnam argument is actively attempting to disassociate things from themselves. Also it's really late.

The side door - do not use it.

Sometimes I just don't have anything to write about.

I live in a neighborhood where most, if not all, of the houses have a side door adjacent the driveway. I have come to loathe the side door. If it were a back door, it would be great. (The entire layout of the house would change, for one) But no, it's on the side, and some people think it's an option.

No, you silly people, it's not an option. I've missed packages I was waiting for (waiting in a chair by the front door), because the delivery monkey walked it right to the side door, and walked away with it because I couldn't hear him knocking on an outer stairwell door. My upstairs neighbor just handed me a package he said was sitting in the stairwell for two days. Sitting there because the delivery ape just stuck it the storm door.

Thanks neighbor. You think you could have shown me that two days ago, when you first saw it?


To anyone that approaches my house: right in front of the house is a door, a door with my last name on it. Next to the door is a doorbell (one that works). If you use *that* door, you will be noticed, you will be heard. But if you walk halfway down my driveway and bang on a door far, far from where anyone in my home will hear it, don't be surprised if you walk away without having been heard.