Twitch

Somewhere around the middle of this past spring, my eye started twitching. At first, it just felt like a tiny, itty little spasm. Weeks later, it was frequent enough to become a mild concern. Later still, it was actually impairing the vision in my left eye. Couldn't figure out what was causing it. Lack of sleep, poor diet, stress, something I can't pronounce? No idea.

It's been over two months since I walked out of my last undergraduate classroom.

I wanted to go to graduate school in Alaska. Yea, Alaska. Four thousand miles away, 5 time zones, 59th parallel and all that. Wanted to study Remote Sensing, figured I'd become one of those climate scientists the politicos are always claiming not to be. I was getting good vibes from up north, all signs pointed to go and all that. Of course, the phrase: "Yea, you know how we said we fund all our graduate students? That's not actually true" wasn't verbatim, but it was close enough.

When I started that endeavor, one of the professors that I asked for a letter of recommendation from said that she hadn't really thought I would head in that direction. I forget her exact wording, it was awhile ago. What hit me was the way she said it; it was like she was disappointed. I don't know, I have a hard time reading people. I should have asked her what she though I would have done. I never realized how much I valued her opinion.

So yea, grad school didn't happen. I more or less put all my eggs in one basket on that one, but that was just my optimism taking over. (I need an actual pair of rose tinted glasses, it would just work)

Then there was the idea of just getting a job. Since I was looking in a completely different direction the entire time, I wasn't really prepared for the fact that my degree isn't worth much without either several years experience, multiple technical certifications, or a masters degree.

...crap.

Ah yes, my student loans are about to come crashing down on me, I have no employment but a poorly paying gig to say the least, and a steep climb to make my degree useful. I'm not fishing for pity or advice. I'm just trying to say that the twitch in my eye clearly knew its welcome was worn out. It disappeared the other day and didn't leave so much as a whiff of it's cologne.