Sticker Shock

My car needed an oil change (as they do). I don't put a lot of miles on my car, so the recommended ninety days usually passes faster than the mileage. Either way, the car never tells me there's a problem until it starts to sound like a diesel engine.

Then I realize I haven't been paying attention.

So I go to get the oil changed. They try to upsell and overcharge me on everything (as they do). When they get to the air filter, they have a point. It's filthy - far worse than I anticipated. But I LIED TO THEM and told them I had a spare at home and I'd swap it myself.

The spare was at an auto parts store on the way home. 

Buying the replacement air filter was a sour experience. One that I got to relish as I made the extra trip to the store and had to install it in the rain. The price of air filters had gone up considerably. Oh I still saved money, but I don't think that extra three dollars in my wallet was worth it.

The dance

So there I was, surrounded by people, everyone enjoying themselves (at least I came to that impression). The music was playing, and then the song changed.

A lifetime ago, I went swing dancing - a lot. I averaged about three times a week, and it was mostly Lindy Hop. It was a fun time in my life, and I think back to it from time to time. But I heard an awful lot of swing music, some of which I haven't heard since, despite my collecting as much of it as I could at the time.

The song changed. It was one of the old swing songs, one that I hadn't heard in a lifetime. I almost jumped out of my seat and tried to find a partner, but couldn't. Because I was at the gym. And I was wondering why they were playing swing music at 6 in the morning. All I could do was sit there, resting between sets, quietly being taken back in time.

Shopping cart scandal

Grocery store layouts are fairly predicable. You grab your cart and go in, and you're slowly clattering along tile as you're led straight into the produce and bakery. I heard that they use this thick tile to slow people down so they don't rush their empty carts through to the rest of the store - the margins on fresh stuff are pretty low and they gotta move it fast, so they want to slow you down. But I disagree. People are gonna get what they want. I know why they have such obnoxious flooring in the beginning of the store. Because once you get into the rest of the store, with its nice smooth floor, you're already loaded up when you discover that your cart has a retarded wheel.

😎😕

😎😎

You see, the awkward tile floor is meant to hide your malfunctioning shopping cart, tricking you into sticking with it until it's too cumbersome to replace. Yea that's right. So now instead of merrily shopping along, joyfully spending more than I should, I'm babysitting a derpy wheel on a shopping clunker that's only serving to annoy me right out of the store. Instead of "I need to go to aisle 3b to get band-aids" it's "I CLUNK need CLUNK to CLUNK go CLUNK home, I need to go home. Forget this nonsense"

My generation isn't even the one with sensory issues. No, I'm just the old man that's annoyed at being saddled with a mistake that should be taken out back and thrown into a crusher. 

(That's a real thing. I once worked in a grocery store that had a masher in the back for garbage)

I've gone so far as to pop wheelies on carts just to shut them up. I've leaned them over so the offending wheel wasn't on the floor any more. (There's a reason I only do any shopping in the wee hours of the morning, I don't need those looks any more. No I will not describe them)

I'm glad my local stores have brought the hand baskets back. They hid those when people got worried about getting sick or something. At least if those are faulty, they won't work at all.

At least I hope not.

Mrs Tiny

Ages ago, I met a Tiny yet fierce twelve year old that had absolutely fallen in love with my one year old son and his dazzling blue eyes. She quickly latched onto me as a father figure, and I found myself inundated with questions about everything, stories about her hectic and constantly changing life, jokes that danced on the razors edge of appropriateness, and Spongebob references that I didn't get.

To this day, I still haven't watched a single episode of Spongebob, but I know every single character and get all the memes.

A year after this started is when I moved from Buffalo. She wasn't happy. But we kept up, the internet being the thing that it is. Over the years she leaned more and more on her friends, and my phone didn't blow up so much. We kept up as she started and then finished high school, with all the highs and lows she pushed through. I was thrilled when she got into my Alma Mater, starting classes at UB only a few years after I left.

She didn't tell me about her boyfriend right away. I didn't realize my approval was so important to her. I admit I was critical - I mean I didn't even know the guy. How am I supposed to offer up my parental wisdom if I don't know anything that didn't come through the rose tinted filter? I mean come on, teenagers aren't known for being that discerning in their relationships, are they?

It was the look on her face.

She posts a lot of pictures, and once he started showing up in them, she started to glow. 

Ok then. 👍

The day her father passed, I was glued to my phone - because she was. Her boyfriend (who lived in Maryland at the time) dropped everything to leave town and go be with her. I knew when he arrived because my phone suddenly went quiet. 

This man has his priorities straight.

They made the drive out to my house this past May to tell me about their engagement. Her brother had spoiled the surprise with a Facebook post, but I kept my mouth shut until it was funny. They had my approval before they even got here.

I walked her down the aisle three days ago. I was honored to have such a role in her wedding, and couldn't be more proud of who she's become.

And now I get to see her off on a whole new adventure - which oddly won't feel much different from the one she's already on, just with new paperwork. I won't tell her that, though. Gotta let the kids ride that high and come down on their own.

I love you my little Tiny One.

Partial success

My daughter, bless her eight year old heart, fell asleep at 10pm. My oldest, being 14, had the most stamina. He fell asleep shortly after him, and my wife reports just going to bed right afterward. 

My son, however, told me he woke up again around 11pm and powered through to midnight.

There's your role reversal. I gave myself a fake countdown and went to bed while the kids stayed up. Even my wife occupied herself by playing video games while I went to bed. Honestly I never saw that coming.