Easter Fools Day

So Easter Sunday is April Fools day. While plenty of insane ideas are everywhere about how parents can troll their kids (or anyone trolling anyone, for that matter), I often wonder if April 1 is really the best day for it.

I mean come on, they're expecting it!

And while I generally have a sense of humor, I've noticed a disturbing trend in these April Fools suggestions. They almost all involve sabotaging food somehow. Have a prank in mind for me? Does it involve tricking me into eating something that's not what you're leading me to believe it is?

I'm not entirely sure why this annoys me as much as it does. I'm sure that if I were to find myself on a leather studded couch rambling to a PhD (or a microfiber couch with a game controller and an old friend) I could lead myself down the rabbit hole and figure this one out. Maybe I was tricked into eating something questionable in my childhood? Maybe I have-

No, I'm not finishing that sentence. Though it's not like me to just lay myself out like this in a public blog. Meh, I'm certain that the three people left reading this won't abuse this knowledge.

Super salt.

Whatever it is they're spraying on the roads these days to melt the ice isn't salt. This is some hyped up salt on crack. It looks like the underside of my car was hit with some sci-fi disintegration thingy.

Turns out it isn't salt. This is 'salt brine' that just sticks to the roads and stays there until it snows again. Or gets washed off in the rain, whichever happens first. Either way, it's completely destroying my car.

Daylight messing time

It doesn't work. Eventually they adapt and, once again, wake up early. I'm signing petitions, I'm calling Congress, I'm-

I'm just not gonna change my clocks any more. This is where I stay. This fall, when everyone changes their clocks back an hour, I'm gonna live an hour in the future.

Daylight wasting time

I'm sure I speak for everyone in the modern world when I say that the act of setting our clocks an hour ahead in the spring is an outdated and barbaric practice that needs to die immediately.

Don't even mention setting them an hour back later on. That's not a bonus, we're getting our time back. It's like a tax refund for time.

I could rant about how people shouldn't have to get up early, and just about every single reason people have given me for this nonsense has been, well, nonsense. (Farmers? Energy savings? LIES) People die.

But I'm the kind of the guy that sees the silver lining. You see, my kids have been waking us up early every morning. We simply never adjusted them. Ignored the clock and put them down to bed when their little bodies were used to it.

This morning we were reminded what my alarm sounded like. The pitter patter of little feet and the cacophony of prepubescent whines didn't shatter the tranquility of my morning.

No, it was the fatigue.

The haircut

Whenever I move, it takes me awhile before I find someone I like.

I'm talking about getting haircuts.

I'll bounce from one place to another, from barbershops to salons, sampling everyone until I find someone that knows me better than I know myself. Took me two years this time, but I found one.

I know what you're thinking: "Who cares?" Well let me tell you, I am a very lazy man. The kind of lazy that will take an extra two minutes to do something now if it means I save three minutes later. This translates into haircuts. I found my person, and they can deliver the same boring, basic, unassuming haircut that every 30-something married father is going for. I don't have to sit there trying to explain every little detail, I just sit down and it happens.

I'm just trying to remind myself of that, as I look at the incredibly non-standard haircut someone else just gave me. Every pass by a mirror reminds me to be a little more patient.