Do not pass Go

My wife found my stash. She did some deep cleaning this past week and found what I've been hoarding since we moved in. The things I've been collecting and keeping to myself.

The noisy toys.

The stupid car that sings the entire song every time you hit the button, not allowing any interruptions. The whistles, the tambourine, everything. She thought little of bringing out these toys, thinking perhaps that it was a mistake that they were all somehow inexplicably crammed into a spot our children never look. The boys were all at school, and our daughter has little interest in these things. So the consequences were not immediate.

They return home from school not long before I return from work.

The worst offenders have already been.. reacquired. The others will follow soon.

Needing a vacation from my vacation

I never thought I'd be glad to go back to work.

Wait, let's back up.

So I had this past week off (plus today, being Labor Day). The NYS Fair runs during the same week that my company closes the doors for awhile (this is not a coincidence, but that's a story for another time*), so I often go at least more than once.

Monday I went with my brother. Just about killed myself. It took me the entirety of the following day just to recover properly. Thursday I went with my better half, and while she doesn't push as far, she's more thorough. It may not have been as intense, but the damage from Monday wasn't fully undone, so it felt just as bad.

My dear wife got a call from her oldest and bestest friend on Friday morning. We haven't seen her since her wedding, and that day they planned a weekend together.

With her husband. And their four kids. At my house.

For those of you keeping track, that makes two of us and our four kids, plus two of them and their four kids. My house can handle so much, fortunately my backyard can handle eight kids just fine.

They arrived at the house late in the evening (it was a five hour drive), and the women discussed what they could do the next day (being Saturday). The next morning, they had elected to go to the State Fair.

My to-do list hadn't gotten any smaller. My feet actually had some damage (bad shoes, since removed from my life), and I hadn't slept well in days. But I wasn't about to be the guy that spoiled her surprise weekend.

So we went back. In hot humid weather. Corralling eight children. Oh, and they broke an their daily attendance record, so we were doing this among 130+ thousand people. Fun was had.

I'm not gonna lie to you, I'd be there right now enjoying the final day if I wasn't battered and beaten by my age and lack of exercise. (and bad shoes) But man, am I going to be glad to be back at work so I can relax.

*If I ever remember

Vacation weather

The last week in August is nice, only because I don't have to go to work.

That's nice.

But this week, the first several days, it's been brutally hot and humid. Really puts a damper on my to-do list. You know those to-do lists that people slowly acquire, but can never really get to until they have some time off somewhere? Yea, that's the one.

It's Friday and I have 2 out of 7 finished. Meh.

The limit

I enjoy long walks. Hikes. I can be on my feet longer than anyone else I know. But I don't know my limit. I never reached it, because whoever I was with needed to stop.

Yesterday I went to the NYS Fair with my brother. We were there for 13 hours. My watch recorded 31,313 steps. (I usually reach a third of that, depending on how work is going). Oddly, I felt like I could have kept on going. There was nothing left to do. My brain was mush - my syntax was screwy. I was a purveyor of word salads. I sat in the car and felt nothing, but discovered upon returning home that getting out of the car was... difficult.

I slept for 10 hours.

According to my food log, and compared to my watch, I burned more than twice as many calories as I ate. I suppose that was my first mistake. Having since eaten, I can think again, although perhaps today is better left to academic pursuits.

Well being

I've managed my entire adult life to not let my issues become a burden to other people, but I realized that if I kept doing that, it might just kill me.

That wasn't hyperbole.

I've taken stock of my lifestyle and compared it to my genetics. I *think* I'm doing alright. My mental health, on the other hand, has taken a serious beating for the last 20 years or so. Either I'm insanely psychologically resilient, or I'm an emotional marshmallow that just puffs right back out.

Either way, the last couple of years has shown me that I need to make some adjustments to my coping mechanisms. First thing I needed to do was actually say something.

Can't take it back now.

Coming home

Every day when I come home from work, I have to sneak through the door. If I make any noise, I lose my head start. You see, all I want to do is put my things down. My keys go on the hook, my glasses go on the shelf next to the hook... that sort of thing.

Because once my daughter hears me, she comes running right for me, screaming the entire time.

It sounds cute, but she doesn't slow down. I have to catch her or I get knocked over. If she's upstairs, she will skip five steps at a time in her efforts to knock me over faster. I have to catch her. Fact is, I need my hands empty to greet this girl or it gets messy.

Today I didn't make it. She took me down. She giggled, said "no no, punch ya butt", then did just that.

Go the f*ck to sleep

I could wax philosophical about childrens bedtime patterns. I could go on at length about how good routine helps children fall asleep easier. (They receive all the cues that trigger blah blah blah)

I could say all of this if it wasn't complete crap.

My daughter puts herself to bed. She's three, and she grabs her blanket, turns off her light, and dismisses me without any further fuss. My oldest son grabs an audio book and quietly sequesters himself. His brother simply goes to bed and lies down.

But among all this, it only takes one kid to ruin everyone's evening. Every scrap of well-meaning advice is hot garbage in the face of blistering reality.