Rainaween

I have childhood memories of trick-or-treating in a myriad of adverse weather conditions. Horrible rain, blustery wind, and yes, even snow. But my children are already sick. One has been coughing and throwing up for days, another is approaching, and yet another has fought the same symptoms.

I know they have spirit, but then this is facing me down: 100% chance of rain and windy. Sure my kids are willing to brave the elements for random candy from strangers, but my parental instincts are going bonkers over here. ("You'll get sick and the others will get worse" blah blah blah)

Considering buying a few variety packs and having them trick-or-treat in the hallway.

Sumpy pumpy

I was obliged to unplug my sump pump for a day.

It's ok, it literally never gets wet in my basement.

Anyway, at the end of that one day, I noticed that the sump basin was full. Like full full. Turns out I have some wacky plumbing. I find out that my washing machine and utility sink both drain into the sump basin, which then gets pumped straight outside.

No bueno.

I plug in the sump pump and consider my plumbing options. Some time later, I realize it hasn't turned off yet. I figure it has a lot to do. I leave.

I come back later, it's still going. I pulled the cap off to find it completely dry, but a cap that normally comes with a bottle of laundry detergent is jamming the float valve.

I don't use those. I never have. It's been in there since I bought the place. I figure it was in the basin, but high enough to just sit around. When it filled up, it floated down until it got jammed in the floater.

My house is a cobbled together mess of uncertainty.

Kenmore the Undrying

When I bought my house, the previous owner left behind all the appliances.

This was not stated in the contract, and was unexpected, but I wasn't gonna complain.

The washer was immediately replaced with the one we already had, and the dryer stayed. (Ok, it moved from one wall to another. There was no reason it should be venting under the deck) It ran perfectly, handling endless loads of laundry week after week (come on, I have 4 kids, there's gonna be a lot), until just a week ago.

It went from a dryer to a tumbler. Uselessly spinning wet laundry until the timer stopped. It was then that I realized just how much I love the internet.

A 3 minute search revealed the most common problems, and 2 minutes later with a multimeter I was able to determine that it was a blown thermal fuse, and Amazon Prime had a replacement within 36 hours.

In my youth, back in the 90's we all remember so nostalgically, that would have been impossible. Unless you were already a repairman, your best bet would have been to either own a copy of, or hit your local library or bookstore hoping they have a copy of a moderately comprehensive handyman repair guide. Having a friend that did this sort of thing all the time would be helpful, too. Once you went through the painstaking process of determining the problem, getting replacement parts was a pain. Who even sells them? You find some handyman repair shop and hope they have the part you need, or drive around various hardware stores, or dig out a parts catalog and keep your credit card ready. Don't hold your breath, shipping will take a week or two.

It might have been easier than that, I wouldn't know. I was a teenager then, and never owned any major appliances until after YouTube tutorials and Amazon. Look, all I'm saying it "heck yea internet"

Intake overindulgence

My brother and I decided that, instead of ordering individual slices, we would just get a whole pizza and a 2 liter. We were on the go, so there was no bringing leftovers with us. We were committed.

Remember in Back to the Future 2 when Doc Brown just dumped random garbage into Mr Fusion to power the Flux Capacitor? Yea, that's a teenager's stomach. You can give a teenage boy any garbage and they'll burn it and turn it into pure energy.

I am not Mr Fusion. I'm pushing 40, and that means I'm more like a lawnmower engine. I do my job slowly, but I can't handle just any fuel. Just like small engines choke on ethanol, I should never, never, eat half a pizza covered with extra gooey cheese in one sitting, shotgunning it with pure sugar and caffeine.

It was pretty good pizza, though. No gonna lie.

Intake deprivation

Seems this is the time of year my sinuses decide to just... stop. Like there's a golf ball size wad just rattling around in there, randomly plugging whichever side it's been thrown towards. The worst of it always happens when I haven't had much to eat.

I don't need to be hungry. I can go a good portion of the day without eating. But when this type of ailment encroaches on my sanity, the only thing that fixes it is to just overeat. Indulge, have a little of everything. Order an extra just for myself. Stir the pot while you add more everything.

I don't get full easily at these times, either.  I honestly can't say I understand what's going on, but a large meal followed by an equally large nap tends to work better than half the medicines out there.