Monday, December 31, 2018
The long drive
People called me brave, or at least crazy, for driving the 2,325 miles between my house and our host with my kids at their ages. (3, 5, 8, and 9) Truthfully, it wasn't difficult. Mapped it out, found cool stuff along the way, checked the weather, and kept more snacks than we probably needed. Now the wife and I used to be able to drive straight through, one would sleep while the other drove. We didn't plan on that with the kids, so we just made the the hotel had a pool. My kids LOVE swimming, and it knocks them right out.
Getting there was fine.
The family members that lived down there had homes just big enough for themselves. Mix that with the fact that there are more of us (a few weddings and a lot of kids), we found a nice big vacation rental for the duration. It also had a pool. (I enjoyed having a master bath, too)
My interactions with her family weren't quite the same as they were before. Where I used to (not necessarily by my own design) hide in the background, now I do the same while seeing to the needs of my kids... in the background.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Now when the visit was over, and the time came to go home, things got interesting. We started with a healthy detour to the Grand Canyon. It was cold and windy, and my kids whined and complained about that. (My oldest was annoyed over the people that went beyond the guard rails, he thought they were going to die and get the park closed. It bothered him enough that he couldn't enjoy the view. My second was simply done with travel and just wanted to go home). None of it detracted - sure I've seen pictures but... I couldn't get past it. Every single scenic lookout, every major point we could stop at, it was absolutely amazing. I could spend a week there happy.
From there, we parted ways and headed home. A light dusting of snow tickled the roads in New Mexico. Hundreds of cars went off the roads. Numerous fatal accidents shut down the highways.
I was stranded in the middle of nowhere for two days. Once they cleared the summer tires convention off the roadways, we were able to finally continue homeward. No other state (which experienced the same megastorm of 0.5 inches of snow) had a problem. From Texas onward it was clear skies and dry roads. We spent less time driving from the New Mexico/Texas state line as we did *in* New Mexico.
After being stranded in a complete standstill for five hours one day (only to be turned back to find a hotel) and three hours the next day (when we were finally allowed to use the roads), we simply couldn't stop any more. We were sick of it. We had to go.
We didn't stop. One slept while the other drove. This was something we haven't been able to do since we were in our 20's. The benefits of youth long gone, we never could manage it again. But this time, this time we had something else: a grim determination to get out of that van. We couldn't take it any more. One would sleep horribly, and the other would stay awake fueled by sheer spite. Gas stations and fast food blended into each other. I woke up in a Wal Mart parking lot with a small list of supplies. I picked up what we needed before I even knew what state I was in.
I really have to give it to my kids. They were absolute troopers about the whole ordeal. They were so excited to get home that they wore themselves out in the van and got carried to their own beds when we finally made it.
Now it's almost 3am and I'm still all wound up. :/
Tuesday, December 25, 2018
Another Eve
Turns out the best way to get them to fall asleep is to give them limitless access to a pool, let them run amok, and keep them up late.
It's also the best way to run me into the ground.
Tuesday, December 18, 2018
Stuff
Then we had our first kid. Babies have a lot of stuff.
Eventually it dwindled down to the same stuff I was bringing, just with more Minecraft logos.
Now there are six of us, and that's a lot of clothing.
Monday, December 10, 2018
Baking failure
Rewind about 15 years - I could make any cookie and it was amazing. Kept it up for years. But now, utter disaster. The sugar cookies are never chewy enough, the chocolate chip cookies are uneven, I could go on.
I have a batch of cookies nearby that are *ok* I guess. I'm in a different kitchen, using different tools, and I'm trying to do this without my four kids knowing about it.
I blame everything but me.
Tuesday, December 4, 2018
The prep
Unless we leave.
Of my siblings, my sister travels the most. My brother in law has family spread around, and holidays are as good a reason as any to venture out and see some.
My wife's family is much the same. Thing is we don't always travel. The last time her entire family was together was Christmas 2008. We've seen them all since then, just not at the same time. The talk among her siblings began a year ago. This year, they meet again.
...should be interesting.
Wednesday, November 28, 2018
The earliest
Having a 5am drop off at the airport is the best way to guarantee you'll be at work an hour and a half early.
At least I have a key.
Tuesday, November 20, 2018
Gratitude
I'd probably deep fry the turkey in peanut oil and tobasco, just to be safe.
Friday, November 16, 2018
First snow
As is customary, the snow plows will hold back until everyone has arrived at work. You don't get the day off.
Thursday, November 8, 2018
Eight
He turned 8 on the 8th. Also known as the golden birthday. My other kids were born on the 28th, 20th, and 26th. They can do whatever they want. But I had my 8 year old, and his mother was going to make sure it was worth it.
He was happy. But gold cupcakes seemed like a stretch.
Saturday, November 3, 2018
RetroGameCon 6
It's my childhood packed into a convention center. This is the third year I've gone, and it's...
Ok, you really can't add more to retro. There isn't more new old stuff... at least not always. I met a game developer that was still making games for the Colecovision. A 36 year old console is still getting brand new games published. This guy has, so far, published more games for this old thing than Coleco Industries ever did.
Besides looking at some very old hardware and the uncalled for price tags on them (maybe if it was mint), meeting game developers and talking with them about what they're working on is always fun. They're exactly my flavor of nerd, and they're really into what they do. I'm not a programmer by any stretch, but I know what works in these things.
Also I won a raffle and got free stuff, so yay.
Monday, October 29, 2018
Sydney
Kids only 14 and she's a cyborg.
Her parents are putting on a good face, at least everyone but her mother. Nobody's really required to *look* good in circumstances like this, though. Everyone is optimistic. Doctors are using the phrase "looks good" talking about her brain.
Oh yea. Her brain. Her body will recover. It was the 20 minutes her heart wasn't beating, and however long she wasn't breathing that's gonna cause trouble. Once she wakes up, anyway.
I have way too many thoughts running through my head about all this.
Tuesday, October 23, 2018
The time over
This is, at least for me, a completely new thing. I once had a job that deliberately cut employee hours to ensure they didn't have to offer any benefits. Now here I am, staying late and coming in on Saturdays all while they throw extra money at me for the privilege.
I'm honestly not used to it. 40 hours is the max I've ever really worked, and that's because companies seem extra terrified to pay for more than that. After a few days staying late, the new departure time felt perfectly normal. Coming in on Saturdays, however.... well that just sucks. Can't complain about money if I'm not willing to do what it takes, though.
I hope it lasts, because I'm greedy. I hope it doesn't last, because I'm lazy.
Definitely have mixed feelings here.
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
Murder Mystery
This was different. Nobody knew who the guilty party was until the big reveal at the end. All we had were clues about each other that led us to pry more details until we could establish motive and opportunity.
My dear wife isn't what you'd call a social butterfly. She doesn't like the spotlight. Her character was the most dynamic, very interesting, and connected with almost every event. Me, on the other hand? The actual social butterfly? Nothing. My character was Mr Dud. To a point where nobody was asking me any important questions.
I knew my character had both motive and opportunity. But that's all I had. My character was so boring I began to think it was me.
Yea, it was me.
Sunday, October 14, 2018
The beard
She didn't do much either. I had no idea.
I've grown it out every so often since then, but never for very long. A couple of weeks at most. However in my age it seems to have changed. Now there's a grey patch right on my chin. Now the beard alone adds 10 years to my face, but they grey adds another 5. I'm at a part of my life where I don't *want* to look older. Then the hair itself simply wasn't soft anymore. Top of my head - baby smooth. Face - iron bristles.
A friend hosted a murder mystery event the other night. Costumes encouraged. I grew out a beard for awhile for the costume. Put on a pair of old glasses sans lenses. Got some clothes I haven't worn in forever. It was awesome.
I shaved this morning. My daughter took a second recognizing me. I could feel my wife's sorrow.
Wednesday, October 3, 2018
Broken heat
Sure, we look at equinox and solstice as the 'official' change of seasons, but the heat always lingers longer than it's wanted.
It finally broke. I stood outside the other day and felt the air. It was no longer the warm, wet air of summer. It was crisp. I felt the dryness of the air wanting to pull moisture from my skin. I saw my breath this morning before work.
I've waited long for this. My winter wardrobe is vastly superior to my summer attire, and I'm a vain old fool.
Sunday, September 30, 2018
Age
- One bruise from falling out of tree.
- Slightly achy after car accident.
- Mild fever when contracting the plague.
- Bad back from sleeping slightly weird.
- Twisted ankle from hitting the brakes too hard.
- Passed out after standing up too fast.
Monday, September 24, 2018
The unbreakable piñata
This year, the dinosaur was strong. It was a t-rex filled with snickers and peanut butter cups. There were eight small children. Piñata limbs were broken, cracks in the body showed, but it held strong. A single candy fell after a few rounds.
The children were restless. The t-rex would not release its sweet insides. I summoned my oldest niece. She's a teenager (wasn't even participating, just happened to be there), and had several years of martial arts training. She was armed, motivated, and inspired by the hopes of the surrounding children.
She lined up a shot, and took exactly one swing. Body parts went flying. Chocolaty eviscera blasted across the lawn. She turned and walked without a second glance. The children descended like locust.
Tuesday, September 18, 2018
Smart TV
I bought a new TV this past week. I was, admittedly, looking forward to paring down the number of remote controls it takes. But something insidious happened.
Advertisements.
Now I need to say this: I loathe advertisements. They're ugly, intrusive, and manipulative. When my son repeated them verbatim with enthusiasm in his voice, as if he really believed the claims they made, I actively sought to banish them forever. Now before this was passive. I use adblockers on my web browsers, I pay a little extra on some services to disable ads (even on my wife's Kindle), and stopped using any services that showed them regardless.
I could barely watch the pilot of the new Star Trek show because of the near 1:1 ratio of ad:show.
I'm currently in the process of re-configuring my home network to block all ads on any devices instead of relying on the devices own adblocking abilities.
But that TV. I turned it on, and a full THIRD OF MY SCREEN was an unhidable, unskippable, permanent advertisement. This wasn't a third party that I chose to do business with, this wasn't something I could make go away. This was a permanent billboard that the TV manufacturer baked right into my house.
It went back to the store immediately. A fair amount of searching later showed that most, if not all, smart TV's have some sort of built in advertising that you couldn't dispose of.
I'd rather have more remotes than a single ad
Tuesday, September 11, 2018
Do not pass Go
The noisy toys.
The stupid car that sings the entire song every time you hit the button, not allowing any interruptions. The whistles, the tambourine, everything. She thought little of bringing out these toys, thinking perhaps that it was a mistake that they were all somehow inexplicably crammed into a spot our children never look. The boys were all at school, and our daughter has little interest in these things. So the consequences were not immediate.
They return home from school not long before I return from work.
The worst offenders have already been.. reacquired. The others will follow soon.
Monday, September 3, 2018
Needing a vacation from my vacation
Wait, let's back up.
So I had this past week off (plus today, being Labor Day). The NYS Fair runs during the same week that my company closes the doors for awhile (this is not a coincidence, but that's a story for another time*), so I often go at least more than once.
Monday I went with my brother. Just about killed myself. It took me the entirety of the following day just to recover properly. Thursday I went with my better half, and while she doesn't push as far, she's more thorough. It may not have been as intense, but the damage from Monday wasn't fully undone, so it felt just as bad.
My dear wife got a call from her oldest and bestest friend on Friday morning. We haven't seen her since her wedding, and that day they planned a weekend together.
With her husband. And their four kids. At my house.
For those of you keeping track, that makes two of us and our four kids, plus two of them and their four kids. My house can handle so much, fortunately my backyard can handle eight kids just fine.
They arrived at the house late in the evening (it was a five hour drive), and the women discussed what they could do the next day (being Saturday). The next morning, they had elected to go to the State Fair.
My to-do list hadn't gotten any smaller. My feet actually had some damage (bad shoes, since removed from my life), and I hadn't slept well in days. But I wasn't about to be the guy that spoiled her surprise weekend.
So we went back. In hot humid weather. Corralling eight children. Oh, and they broke an their daily attendance record, so we were doing this among 130+ thousand people. Fun was had.
I'm not gonna lie to you, I'd be there right now enjoying the final day if I wasn't battered and beaten by my age and lack of exercise. (and bad shoes) But man, am I going to be glad to be back at work so I can relax.
*If I ever remember
Friday, August 31, 2018
Vacation weather
That's nice.
But this week, the first several days, it's been brutally hot and humid. Really puts a damper on my to-do list. You know those to-do lists that people slowly acquire, but can never really get to until they have some time off somewhere? Yea, that's the one.
It's Friday and I have 2 out of 7 finished. Meh.
Tuesday, August 28, 2018
The limit
Yesterday I went to the NYS Fair with my brother. We were there for 13 hours. My watch recorded 31,313 steps. (I usually reach a third of that, depending on how work is going). Oddly, I felt like I could have kept on going. There was nothing left to do. My brain was mush - my syntax was screwy. I was a purveyor of word salads. I sat in the car and felt nothing, but discovered upon returning home that getting out of the car was... difficult.
I slept for 10 hours.
According to my food log, and compared to my watch, I burned more than twice as many calories as I ate. I suppose that was my first mistake. Having since eaten, I can think again, although perhaps today is better left to academic pursuits.
Tuesday, August 21, 2018
Well being
That wasn't hyperbole.
I've taken stock of my lifestyle and compared it to my genetics. I *think* I'm doing alright. My mental health, on the other hand, has taken a serious beating for the last 20 years or so. Either I'm insanely psychologically resilient, or I'm an emotional marshmallow that just puffs right back out.
Either way, the last couple of years has shown me that I need to make some adjustments to my coping mechanisms. First thing I needed to do was actually say something.
Can't take it back now.
Monday, August 13, 2018
Coming home
Because once my daughter hears me, she comes running right for me, screaming the entire time.
It sounds cute, but she doesn't slow down. I have to catch her or I get knocked over. If she's upstairs, she will skip five steps at a time in her efforts to knock me over faster. I have to catch her. Fact is, I need my hands empty to greet this girl or it gets messy.
Today I didn't make it. She took me down. She giggled, said "no no, punch ya butt", then did just that.
Tuesday, August 7, 2018
Go the f*ck to sleep
I could say all of this if it wasn't complete crap.
My daughter puts herself to bed. She's three, and she grabs her blanket, turns off her light, and dismisses me without any further fuss. My oldest son grabs an audio book and quietly sequesters himself. His brother simply goes to bed and lies down.
But among all this, it only takes one kid to ruin everyone's evening. Every scrap of well-meaning advice is hot garbage in the face of blistering reality.
Monday, July 30, 2018
40,000 men and women every day
Sometimes it tells you that people are dead.
Not directly, no. I found one such memory from just a few years ago, discussing my move out of Buffalo. Turns out one such conversant was now a memorial page.
I can't tell you how surreal it is to think about the people I personally know that are now dead. There was a wave of funerals in my early 20's, but they were elderly and infirm relatives. Then there was the tragic cancer case (She was only 27) then what seemed like nothing.
Turns out they've all been dying and I had no idea. My 20 year high school reunion last week had a memorial table that was too full for my comfort. Quick google research tells me that 95% of people born in my birth year are still alive.
...dang.
Tuesday, July 24, 2018
High School Reunion again
Twenty years later, I didn't recognize anyone. I also barely remembered any of them. My short list of hopefuls from last time weren't even on the list this time. I admit I wondered if I would be missing out, but that was quickly settled by the pics that flooded the site during and after.
It looked like a room full of strangers. Some of the names were familiar, but that's it.
I stayed in that night and watched cheesy movies with my wife. We stayed up late and made fun of bad screenwriting.
Monday, July 16, 2018
Defensive vacation planning
That is not with my coworkers.
It's not that I dislike them - far from it. We get along, but there's a bit of a hierarchy that separates us. As such, we're not *really* friends. So when there are work parties (which is really only twice a year), I feel like the freshman alone at the party.
I'm thinking of planning vacations over the same weekends.
Thursday, July 12, 2018
Bowman Lake
Last year we stayed at Green Lakes state park. It's nearby, which is safe. It also makes it busy - you get a *lot* of people staying there. I always go on Mondays, which always sees smaller crowds, but the camp sites are smooshed together and you get a lot of noisy kids.
This year, I found what is apparently the least well known state park in New York. We were the only people in the tent area.
Only people. We had about 12 camp sites to ourselves. The entire loop was ours.
Of course, going right after everyone spent themselves over the 4th of July didn't hurt, but still. My only regret was not pre-loading the map into my phone, because there was no signal at all. I had to stare at a map like Magellan until my phone finally caught a tower on our way out.
Monday, July 2, 2018
One hundred and sixteen degrees
That's hot for us.
My basement, being complete, is a refuge. There's a solid 25 degree difference between the basement and the bedrooms. I almost feel cold down here.
The humidity is oppressive. I can't swim, never really could. Going from my house to the car required flotation devices.
And then it rained today. The kind of rain that happens when air that's entirely too hot consumes an insane amount of water, then gets pushed upward rapidly by an encroaching cold front.
I couldn't see the end of my car on the drive home, the rain was so heavy.
Saturday, June 30, 2018
Summer Saturdays
They let us sleep.
Monday, June 25, 2018
Summer boycation
For some odd reason, the school year here runs through late June. The high school kids attendance is spotty based on final exam schedules, and the younger kids don't do anything of any academic value.
Seriously, they had parties and watched movies almost exclusively the last few weeks. There's almost no point in sending them.
So today, after weeks of nonsense, my kids can waste time at home in their pajamas instead. I woke up this morning to find my boys eating cereal and watching cartoons. They didn't wake me up, they didn't wake their mom up. They just got cereal and Netflix.
I took note of this as I got ready for work, and found myself not a small bit envious as I started my work week.
Monday, June 18, 2018
Heat and furniture
It was really friggin warm out today. And it was humid. Today I wish to honor Willis Carrier - the father of modern air conditioner. Freon is my best friend today.
So after a decade of moving around with my wife, and relying on whatever furniture we could get that fit our space, owning a house is changing things up a bit. I'm at a point where I'm changing my space to what I want (I could never do that as a renter) and now I'm getting (albeit slowly) the furniture that best fits the new space.
I bought a desk that isn't a complete piece of crap and I love it.
Monday, June 11, 2018
Down with the sweetness
I'm in my mid 30's, I should have admitted this a decade ago. Whatever.
So anyway I'm trying to cut all the extra sugar out of my diet. Junk food, soda, etc. Problem is, I'm finding sugar everywhere. How can a tiny cup of yogurt have 37 grams of sugar in there? There aren't even 37 grams of yogurt in the thing.
It's in the bread.
And when they slap labels on it saying "low sugar" or some nonsense, they've replaced the sugar with some carcinogenic garbage like sucralose or aspartame. I need to have a conversation with food producers when they get to that stage. Once they take the sugar out - STOP. Don't put the cancer in. Just leave it.
Meanwhile, my efforts to remove just the extra junk has left me... feisty. I'm eating a lot of fruit just to shut my body up. I dream of donuts. I tell myself not to the store go alone.
My clothes fit a little more comfortably. I'm not sure I enjoy the trade.
Monday, June 4, 2018
Moanday
No, what I hate are coworkers that whine about Mondays, every single Monday.
You know the type. Every single Monday, they start off droopy, and the first thing out of their mouths is some lamentation regarding the day of the week. As if it was some painful mark upon their calendars that burnt away any remaining joy.
...wtf? Monday happens every single week, how have you not figured this out by now? Look I'm no life guru, but adjusting your expectations to reality, especially a reality that literally never changes and has always been that way, shouldn't be that hard. In fact, I'm more surprised there are people like this left.
These are the same people that celebrate Fridays as if it were some kind of achievement. Surviving the march of time can be taxing, I suppose, but throwing a mini party every single week just because you got to it seems to devalue the whole thing.
Oh crap, I've turned into one of those people that complain about everything. I need to blog about food or something.
Monday, May 28, 2018
Memorial Play
"iT's nOt NaTiOnAl BBq dAy"
Or something like that.
Let me make myself perfectly clear: if someone fights for me, if someone dies for me, then the best way to honor their service and sacrifice is to cherish and exercise what I would have lost otherwise.
Now excuse me, I have a BBQ to fire up, because I can.
Wednesday, May 23, 2018
The (big) Doors
Seriously. The owner once stored a car in there for awhile.
When the weather is miserable and, well, not nice, the doors make no difference. Until we get a large delivery of heavy stuff, in which case everyone gets an icy blast. However, on those delightful sunny days, my coworkers like to torture everyone by keeping them wide open, so everyone can see the wonderful day that they can't enjoy because they're stuck at work.
Also, there are such doors on opposite ends of the building, and the narrow space I occupy happens to be a choke point for the gentle breeze everyone else gets to enjoy. When it gets to me, it's half cyclone. Some days I have more paperweights than paper. I keep random tools on top of folders just in case the doors open when I'm busy elsewhere.
I'd set up a pinwheel in the doorway if it wouldn't encourage them.
Monday, May 21, 2018
Not out enough
So I've been doing more outdoorsy stuff with my family, and I discover that the further I am from any shred of society, the more peaceful I feel. Also, I realized that nobody can keep up with my natural pace, and slowing down is really frustrating.
Seriously, I'm an extrovert. Being out in nature is great, but being *alone* out in nature is creepy. I gotta strike a balance here somewhere.
Monday, May 14, 2018
My turn
Both the hygienist and the dentist thought it odd that I felt no pain in a particular region in my mouth. Their exam and x-ray indicated a problem that should, by all accounts, hurt. Sitting here, I can't even remember which side of my mouth they were talking about.
I'm not sure if this is really good or really bad. I'll fill you in right after they do.
Tuesday, May 8, 2018
The break of Sun
I'm not referring to My Morning Jacket. I'm actually completely unfamiliar with their music, I just happen to know they exist and my above parlance seemed like a reference.
Anyway...
I've never felt like I've experienced seasonal affective disorder. Winter never made me sad. Summer never made me happy. It was always situational. This year, the breaking of winter and all the extra sunshine seems to have coincided with an uncharacteristic bout of happiness.
I suppose planning camping trips does that.
Monday, April 30, 2018
Overscheduling
My parents were talking with my wife about doing something this Friday. The one day this week that didn't have anything scheduled. I wasn't in the room when that conversation started, but I walked in when they were discussing what I scheduled.
(Joint access to a calendar app between my phone and my wife's is, in theory, a good idea)
I walked in where my wife was saying there was "nothing" on the calendar. My dad, hearing this, immediately thought that meant my Friday was available.
I scheduled nothing, and that's exactly what's going to happen. He didn't get it at first. My mother, on the other hand, understood right away. My dear wife, upon making the same realization, seemed almost flattered.
Darn right she should. I have a whole day full of nothing I plan on doing with her and it's going to be amazing.
Monday, April 23, 2018
The pox
Friday, I simply felt like I needed to sleep. Forever.
The worst of it was Saturday. Every part of me hurt. Nothing was spared. Fever, chills, a third symptom I won't describe.
Sunday was a bit relaxed.
But Saturday? Every single Saturday this tax season my wife has worked the bulk of the day. Sometimes 9-5, sometimes 9-9. For this illness to wait until I wasn't alone with my kids all day was *less bad* than it could have been.
Still, I had plans for this past weekend. I had so much stuff I wanted to finish. The only thing on my list I got to was "sleep more"
Monday, April 16, 2018
Tax Widow
When my wife and I first got together, her work schedule wound its way around her course schedule. I rarely, if ever, had anything scheduled in the evenings. She was busier than I, and as such I found myself housed in solitude.
Living in Buffalo, after our son was born, my sister in law moved in with us during the season. She watched over him while my wife worked and I was away on campus. Worked out rather well for the years we spent in Buffalo.
Back in Syracuse, however, we're back to alternating schedules. It was nice to have her sister around to watch the kids, but she didn't come with us. For the past three years, I would come home from work, and she would promptly leave for work. It took some adjusting the first year (I simply wasn't used to being alone with my kids for such a long amount of time every day. My work shifts kept me estranged from the same family I was trying to support), but as my ability to organize my own kids has grown, I've found myself alone again.
She makes a paper chain. Every link has the current date, and shows the number of days remaining of the tax season. In January, it runs from one end of the wall to the other. It's imposing, daunting. Paper though it may be, that chain holds me down more than I ever expected of 20lb stock.
I'm at the end of the season. Today and tomorrow. A single link of the chain is all that remains. I look forward to shredding it with a most ridiculous glee.
Monday, April 9, 2018
Absent a dentist
I never found a local dentist. I didn't think anything of it. When an ache worked its way into my jaw some years later, I made a friend happy. He was in the dental school at UB, and the problem I had was the kind he needed to take care of before he could graduate.
Woo hoo, free dental work. Oh crap, that x-ray showed a few more things I should be concerned about? I promptly ignored the x-ray, muttering something about insurance and being broke. That was years ago. Also 250 miles away. Also before I had decent insurance. Just a few days ago, my son admitted that he didn't chew on one side of his mouth because it hurt.
Oh crap, I suck.
So I made six dentist appointments.
They're just baby teeth, but still. Dang. I have *not* been on top of this.
Sunday, April 1, 2018
Ready Player One
That book was more fun than I anticipated. It's 385 pages of pure childhood nostalgia, with an extremely heavy dose of nerd culture.
Having read the book, I felt comfortable reading articles about the book to movie adaptation. There was a lot in the book that simply wouldn't translate. (There's one part in the book where the protagonist stands at an old pac man cabinet for five hours, winning something in the process. You just can't do that in a movie) They had to change a significant portion of the book just to cram it onto the big screen. Literally all but one of the major challenges (and how they're implemented) are completely different from book the movie.
And it worked. At least *I* thought it did. I know a lot of people are annoyed the how much changed, and I suppose I wasn't one of them because I more or less knew it happened, but they kept the spirit of the book intact fairly well.
It's not quite Jurassic Park, but it's a far cry from the devastation that was The Golden Compass. Don't even get me started on that one.
Friday, March 30, 2018
Easter Fools Day
I mean come on, they're expecting it!
And while I generally have a sense of humor, I've noticed a disturbing trend in these April Fools suggestions. They almost all involve sabotaging food somehow. Have a prank in mind for me? Does it involve tricking me into eating something that's not what you're leading me to believe it is?
I'm not entirely sure why this annoys me as much as it does. I'm sure that if I were to find myself on a leather studded couch rambling to a PhD (or a microfiber couch with a game controller and an old friend) I could lead myself down the rabbit hole and figure this one out. Maybe I was tricked into eating something questionable in my childhood? Maybe I have-
No, I'm not finishing that sentence. Though it's not like me to just lay myself out like this in a public blog. Meh, I'm certain that the three people left reading this won't abuse this knowledge.
Monday, March 26, 2018
Super salt.
Turns out it isn't salt. This is 'salt brine' that just sticks to the roads and stays there until it snows again. Or gets washed off in the rain, whichever happens first. Either way, it's completely destroying my car.
Tuesday, March 20, 2018
Daylight messing time
I'm just not gonna change my clocks any more. This is where I stay. This fall, when everyone changes their clocks back an hour, I'm gonna live an hour in the future.
Monday, March 12, 2018
Daylight wasting time
Don't even mention setting them an hour back later on. That's not a bonus, we're getting our time back. It's like a tax refund for time.
I could rant about how people shouldn't have to get up early, and just about every single reason people have given me for this nonsense has been, well, nonsense. (Farmers? Energy savings? LIES) People die.
But I'm the kind of the guy that sees the silver lining. You see, my kids have been waking us up early every morning. We simply never adjusted them. Ignored the clock and put them down to bed when their little bodies were used to it.
This morning we were reminded what my alarm sounded like. The pitter patter of little feet and the cacophony of prepubescent whines didn't shatter the tranquility of my morning.
No, it was the fatigue.
Monday, March 5, 2018
The haircut
I'm talking about getting haircuts.
I'll bounce from one place to another, from barbershops to salons, sampling everyone until I find someone that knows me better than I know myself. Took me two years this time, but I found one.
I know what you're thinking: "Who cares?" Well let me tell you, I am a very lazy man. The kind of lazy that will take an extra two minutes to do something now if it means I save three minutes later. This translates into haircuts. I found my person, and they can deliver the same boring, basic, unassuming haircut that every 30-something married father is going for. I don't have to sit there trying to explain every little detail, I just sit down and it happens.
I'm just trying to remind myself of that, as I look at the incredibly non-standard haircut someone else just gave me. Every pass by a mirror reminds me to be a little more patient.
Monday, February 26, 2018
Winter break
Good luck getting NY to change anything when it makes sense, though.
Meanwhile, my kids just had that week off. An entire week where it's too cold to throw them outside all day. Or it's not *that* cold, but it's wet and muddy. Regardless, there's some unfortunate combination of weather that results in my kids spending the bulk of the time indoors.
I once remember as a kid looking at the academic calendar and adding up all the days off, then pushing them to the end of the school year. It was something like three weeks. Given the schools out here, for some reason, run to the end of June, I felt cheated out of half my summer.
Monday, February 19, 2018
Musical upending
It took sixteen years, but Moulin Rouge! has been bumped as my favorite musical.
I was raised on musicals. My mother watched them all the time in my childhood. Not just musicals, but a lot of older movies (that aren't musicals) are still filled with singing. It's a wonder I can't hold a note.
Anyway, The Greatest Showman now holds the #1 spot
Back when Moulin Rouge! was released, I was a young, idealistic boy, in love with a girl I couldn't have, far from home and convinced he was a writer. (I still think I am). I seemed to mirror Ewan McGregor's character in that sense. Currently, I'm a married man with children, not to far from his hometown. Hugh Jackman's character in Greatest Showman is, as it seems, my current mirror.
Makes me wonder if, in sixteen years, another musical about a grandfather will be released.
Thursday, February 15, 2018
Valentines deus
Look at your calendar. Read off those special days where people do fancy things. Notice anything? These holidays all have themes. "we're celebrating this for that reason" etc.
This is where Valentines day seems oddly redundant. If you're in a relationship, shouldn't you *always* be working on said relationship? Holidays are typically cultural, celebrating or commemorating an event in history.
Relationships have their own holidays. Anniversaries and other milestones that are celebrated together. At this point, Valentines day seems almost redundant. Now don't get me wrong. I'm a sucker for a fancy night out, but it always feels so.. generic.
At least there's an abundance of cheap chocolates on the 15th.
Monday, February 12, 2018
The car
It's red. My license plate starts with GEM.
I call her Ruby because she used to be a prostitute*.
Anyway, I'm currently visiting Ruby in the hospital. We don't know if she's going to pull through. She's old, she's had a good life, but I'm telling you I'm conflicted. I haven't had to make payments in... ever. (That was nice) But the car had next to nothing. Basic audio with a CD player. Do you even know what a CD player is? No other audio inputs, just AM/FM and CD's.
I used to have what I thought was a limitless supply of blank CD's to draw from while putting together music to listen to in this car, and she's exhausted my supply.
It's definitely been a love/hate relationship with this old Taurus.
*That's the joke I tell everyone but my dad. He gets the dad joke: "I call it Robert, because it's a Red Ford" When he laughs and everyone else rolls their eyes, I know it worked.
Monday, February 5, 2018
Face blanket
Sure is warm, though.
My wife is always one to let me know how she feels about it. (Note: she likes it)
My coworkers seemed to have their own unyielding opinions. Now while there are some who would be annoyed if others didn't notice changes made to their appearance, I'm not one of them. In fact, I'd rather not anyone make a spectacle over it.
I passed by a mirror last night and thought "yep, time to go".
Man was my face cold this morning.
Monday, January 29, 2018
The c-list
Yet I find traces of them everywhere I go.
My son is in Pre-K with a coworkers granddaughter. Took my daughter to the doctor for a well visit, and the receptionist is a coworkers sister. When my solar panels were installed, the electrical inspector that was brought in is married to another coworker. I could go on. (We all met at the Christmas party)
Whoever is putting together this production needs to get more extras, because you can't keep dragging out the same batch of c-listers over and over. It's getting suspicious.
Tuesday, January 23, 2018
Keto quitter
Meanwhile, my wife gave me four children.
So she was looking at a change in her diet that would fix that. Many (very many) of our friends and the like have tried this ketogenic diet, and all have shown very favorable results. The trick is you drop carbohydrates way the heck down so your body is forced to switch its power source to fat, hence you're now burning off your fat.
Problem is, I can't really digest that much fat without my gallbladder kicking around. I learned that the hard way after a couple days. The results were... unpleasant.
"Oh, but there are ways to get around that. You can take this supplement, or alter the diet a bit, etc..."
Tried that. Didn't work. The supplements? I experienced every single side effect. Extreme abdominal [issues] and lots of dizziness aren't my idea of a good time. I actually missed work because of how extreme these were.
I'm typing this over a bagel. I'm cheering on my wife from the sidelines.
Monday, January 15, 2018
Solar Panels
I was at the NYS Fair (back in 2016...) with the wife when I saw a guy at a booth selling these things. I've long had an interest in stealing power from a fusion generator that lives 93 million miles away, so I simply approached him and said: "Tell me everything"
And he did.
After a few months of back and forth (engineers, design approval, permits, regulations, financing, blah blah blah), we were finally able to stick a bunch on my roof. Unfortunately, my house has a rather small footprint. I wanted a massive array focusing gigawatts of solar radiation into my air conditioner. I got seventeen 320 watt panels instead. I'm not thrilled with the limits, but every month from the day it was installed until August we generated a surplus. (The A in August stands for air conditioning)
The difference in my power bill is, on average, equal or greater than the cost of the panels.
For years, and even when living in Buffalo, we would get people going door to door trying to sell themselves as middlemen to our electric utility. ("We want to make sure you're getting all your discounts. We just need to see your electric bill") These "people" would be aggressive and annoying, then act as if you've wasted *their* time when you send them packing. Since I had these photovoltaic beauties on display, I feel somewhat ignored.
Now if only it worked on the clowns selling Hyla.
Monday, January 8, 2018
The great (temporary) thaw
Side note: I had a nasty case of bronchitis about ten years ago that I lacked the wherewithal to blog about. I was moderately delirious, and was left with some damage to my lungs. The problems only show when the temperatures drop below 10 or so degrees.
So the snow kept coming, and the snowblower that I have here just wasn't working. I can't shovel in this cold (I can't breathe in this cold), so it just kinda piled up.
Today is the first day that the temperatures have finally broken past the melting point, and it's been a mad scramble to get all the snow out of the way.
And off of my solar panels. Have I mentioned those yet? Got those a year ago now.
Really? I haven't blogged about those? Man I suck at this.
Monday, January 1, 2018
Icy New Year
That may also have had something to do with only one person showing up. Either way, I'm glad I didn't have to open my front door more than twice. Whoever stood in front of the door to open it would lose a few degrees in their core. It's the kind of temperatures that can cure a fever by checking the mail.
I'm not certain why new years diets always start on January 1. I mean I get the calendar date, but we're all so chock full of leftovers that it just seems wasteful. Even my wife and I are planning something different, but giving it another week.
Ah January... Everyone packs up their decorations (if they haven't already) and tries on a new flavor of living for a few weeks before going back to their sedentary sugars. Meanwhile, my wife disappears into a tax vortex, only to reappear sometime in mid April. I lack enough black clothing to display my mourning period, so I have to settle with baggy sweaters and not shaving.
I already do that because of the cold, though.
Anyway, a lot of people always complain about the previous year. "Oh wow, 20XX was so horrible, next year is gonna rock" etc ad nauseam. Happens every year without fail. Some years have noticeably more whining, but it's persistent. Well I had a good year, and I'm gonna have an even better one.